Behind Alicia's Name

I know I should be heading to bed, especially since I'm getting emotional, angry and upset. But I also thought I could take this opportunity to talk about the choosing of Alicia's name.

When I was pregnant with Alicia and the staff at St. John's EPU kept putting me down the lyrics of a particular song rang true to my emotional state. It is in the charts, or was, I am uncertain as to whether it still is, but it is most certainly one of the biggest tracks playing at the moment. I had seen it several times on MTV and was somewhat hooked on it.

Here are the lyrics to the song:

I just want you close, Where you can stay forever, You can be sure, That it will only get better, You and me together, Through the days and nights, I don't worry cause, Everything gonna be alright, People keep talking
They can say what they like, But all I know is everything's gonna be alright

No one no one no one, Can get in the way of what I'm feeling, No one no one no one, Can get in the way of what I feel for you, You you can get in the way of what I feel for you

When the rain is pouring down, And my heart is hurting, You will always be around, This I know for certain

You and me together, Through the days and nights, I don't worry cause, Everythings gonna be alright, People keep talking, They can say what they like, But all I know is everything's gonna be alright

No one no one no one, Can get in the way of what I'm feeling, No one no one no one, Can get in the way of what I feel for you, You you can get in the way of what I feel for you

I know some people search the world, To find something like what we have, I know people will try, Try to divide, Something so real, So till the end of time, I'm telling you that

No one no one no one, Can get in the way of what I'm feeling, No one no one no one, Can get in the way of what I feel for you

This song is by Alicia Keys. When the MC was immanent as of Dec, Sunday 9, 2007 I knew I wanted to name the baby because she had the right to an identity. I had concluded she was a girl through mothers intuition and the fact science states that all early forming babies are girls - not that I like Science much but still it's apparently a fact. Those two reasons were enough for me to decided she was a girl. The day after I was thinking of a name and Alicia was the only one that seemed to fitting for her. We had discussed Mirica and Alauna for a girl when we found out I was pregnant but in the end Alicia just fit. Mark chose Marie but has never really spoken about it so I can't give you an honest reason at the moment.

How I feel now is so unbelievably empty! We should have been going to Mark's mom and dads for Christmas all full of the unbelievable buzz of having a baby - now we're going there just to get away of the misery of this house. Oddly enough Mark can't wait to move yet he suffers from terrible depression when he moves - he hates it, but this time he can't wait. Whether it's because of so much has happened here I don't know but I can guarantee that it is a significant part of it.

It's unbelievable how much this can effect your life. It's walking through hell on earth and feeling absolutely hopeless. Maybe tomorrow will be better but I'm unsure as to how things will pan out over the next few weeks. I badly want to get back to normal with Mark physically and emotionally - granted Mark and I are closer and stronger but all the same I want to just feel normality and I want Mark to feel normality.